The Son Who Broke His Mothers Heart and the Soul Behind Sectumsempra
by HermyLuna2
Summary: About the relationship of mutual hatred between Sirius and his victim Snape that is going all wrong for Sirius, inspired by the wonderful Black In The Heart As Well. Dealing with life in opposite ways, Sirius Black and Severus Snape will never become friends. But sometimes there is more to animosity than meets the eye...
1. She Actually Said Yes

Disclaimer: All the characters, except for the OC's, belong to the enchantingly creative and incredibly talented JK Rowling.

* * *

Nice. We have class with the Slytherins again. I do not need James' pointing to notice him. The way he wears his Slytherin scarf, not even taking it off in class, the loving pride in his eyes when they cross an emblem of his house. It is the same way 'Mother' looks at Regulus. It disgusts me.  
He really shouldn't bother me that much - they are _all _looking like that, those viperous Slytherins. Most with more bravura, even more undeserved self-satisfaction than him. But he is the only one who I am certain of that he would hex me or James behind our backs if he got the chance. I wonder why we are granted his undivided attention. It's not that I am not flattered by it, of course I am, I am just curious what it is that makes us so special, so irresistable to Severus Snape.

Now, if he had been a regular Slytherin - the type like my brother, we would probably have thought twice before we would have started messing with him. My brother already has some great connections. I wouldn't call them tight knit friends, but I would certainly been made to believe that if I had not known my brother and the house he was sorted in. For I am sure that, even though they are all egoistic to the core, his 'friends' would stand up for him - if only because they would suffer face loss if they don't. You can say a lot about Regulus, but not that he doesn't have charisma. Yes, he is a loved part of his house, my dear brother.  
And, see, Snape is not.  
He hangs out with these wannabe-bad boys Avery and Mulciber.. but nobody is fooled that Avery or Mulciber would ever stick out their necks for that pathetic little Halfblood spawn. That is how everyone there sees him, given their perverse interest in bloodlines. My dear old 'Mother' would say he is a disgrace pureblood Slytherins should stay far away from except for delegating dirty tasks. But even if Snape was pureblood, then he still would not have fitted in. The way he walks - he is always cautious, I can tell. Of what, one can only guess, as he already walked that way when we met him for the first time. But it makes him look pathetic, along with the way he always automatically pulls up his shoulders. He may not notice it himself, but, my dear Snape, I do. I see through it all. The grotesque mask of indifference you wear is flimsy. An oddball even among your own kind, that's what you are.

Does he even wash himself? His hair is certainly so greasy it's filthy, and his skin... I have never seen anyone with skin like that. Apart from the fact that it has this disgusting shine as if it would be gooey if you touched it (not like anyone would want to, mind you), it has this incredibly appaling color, the pale dirty yellow of white parchment that has been pissed on. He is not particularly tall and his build is scrawny, making him seem unimpressive if it wasn't for his magic, also making his already huge nose look even bigger. And what disgusting looking nose it is, hooked and curved with the longest nostrils I have ever seen on a human being. I am rather proud of the nickname we have given him that I came up with, and which fits him like a glove. Snivellus. _Snivellus. _Ha! I can easily get more Slytherin girls than you if I wanted, _Snivellus. _  
James is afraid that Lily will eventually fall for Snivellus' charms, but I was like 'which charms, exactly?'. Can't think straight when he's in love, my best friend.  
I would have laughed about it if it had not been such a deadly serious matter. Most people accuse James of being arrogant, but he is not evil. If only others could see this as well. If only Lily could see it. Besides the fact that it is incredibly difficult concentrating on inventing pranks with a lovesick James besides you, he would be able to make her so happy. I guess he is a nice 'catch' - good at Quidditch, smart, good-looking and all, but that is not the point. He is also responsible, friendly, adores kids, and most important, has no single Slytherin trait in him. I have never seen that look in his eyes when he talks about her - Hey, I can start a dating service. This sounds like the perfect advertisement for James. But this is the only dating project that needs to succeed, ever.  
Peter's quick harsh poke, that irritating one I am still not quite used to, and his squeaky voice bring me back into the classroom.

'Sirius, _look_'  
Both James and Peter are looking breathless at a most horrifying scene, while Remus pretends to be searching for the page in his potions book where we had left the previous class.  
'Page 260, Remus' I say and try not to throw up in my mouth as I watch Snivellus handing over Lily's book to her.  
'Here, Lily. You have dropped it.' The ugly git says it hastily and turns around before Lily can thank him. The way he says her name..._Li_ly, as if it is some kind of fairytale. Well, it's a fairytale allright, but he's not her prince. I cast a non-verbal tripping spell, aiming my wand at Snivellus from under the table. He falls stretched out on the floor. Several people laugh, and not all of them are Gryffindors. I look at James. He smirks back broadly. Dear old Horace Slughorn favors his best student, but not so much that he wants to openly defend him against several other of his favorites, so he pretends not to notice it - as usual. Before I can enjoy this fact properly, however, I can feel a spell hit me and I see James looking at me with a weird frown.  
'Your... Your forehead!' Peter squeaks and I can tell that the bastard is trying to surpress his laughter.  
'It says 'Smart as a Puffskein' with an arrow' James yawns. 'Can't you make up something more creative, Snivellus? Or is your own brain too Puffskein-sized for that?' he yells, before transforming my face back to normal.  
I laugh. Silly Snivellus. If it was not done with such malicious intent, I might even have liked the way he never fails to get back at me.  
And suddenly, noticing the way Snivellus looks at Lily - or rather, tries to eat her whole with his greedy gaze - I come up with the best plan ever to get back at him for existing.

* * *

I'd rather die than admit that he is everything ... everything _I_ ever..

Lily likes Quidditch. She has never missed a game. I can't help but think it has something to do with him. I know James Potter fancies her, and I had let it slip - I had not wanted to, but I was stupid, so stupid in my desperation to keep him away from her and it had left my mouth before I realised it, and now she knows, too, and she had insulted him then, calling him an arrogant toerag, but now they seem to be drawing closer and with her knowledge that he is in love with her, everything can go wrong.  
Since the horrible day of my mistake, the one I try so hard to forget, she hasn't talked to me ever since. I tried to make it up with her so many times, but she just won't listen. It's like she has already choosen, in her head. For a world she thinks is the epitome of goodness - for bravery, bragging, loudness and arrogance. I used to think it had been some kind of mistake, the black day Lily was sorted in Gryffindor. But it's like I only now see the differences between us, and I can't believe I haven't noticed them before. She doesn't appreciate a single quality of _my_ house, never has. She used to refer to me as 'her only Slytherin friend'. She simply doesn't care about our ambition, the sacrifices we are willing to make just to learn, just to understand the damned mechanics behind all the superficial things that people of Lily's kind shamelessly show off with.  
_People of Lily's kind_. I can't believe I am thinking about her in this way now. What has experience done to me? Why can't I just think about Lily's heartmelting smile, the way we used to laugh together in the park in the decent part of our hometown?

Because it will never come back, no matter how desperately I wish for it. She has decided, and no matter how much I loathe her decision, I can't do anything about it. When I handed her back her book, she had not even looked at me - she had grabbed it with an indifference on her face I had never seen before. I had barely felt falling on the floor due to Black, and the charm I send back had been lame and lazy and way behind my usual form of payback. The only thing I could see was that cold gaze of her, as if we had never even met.  
I can't express the hatred I feel for the worthless excuses for wizards that have intentionally driven Lily away from me.  
Potter, the living example of Gryffindor bluff, who has never faced anything more challenging than a bad hairday, expecting to always get what he wants - and gets it, no matter how little he has done to deserve it. Apparently his fabulous existence is enough to bring the universe itself in a state of fawning.  
Pettigrew, the spineless lick-spittle always ready with his watering charms as if the already atrociously huge weed that is Potter's ego would benefit from getting any bigger. Only being forced to listen to his voice qualifies as a way of torment. I despise that rat.  
Lupin. No one should be fooled by that false charisma of gentleness, of tolerance. He is not quite as toady as Pettigrew, but he deserves his second place. And last but not least, _Black_. I don't know why that miserable bugger hates me as much as he does. I know Potter fancies Lily, and Pettigrew and Lupin fancy Potter, but what is Black's reason, exactly?

He doesn't have anything to be jealous of. He is an airhead, but he seems to actively strive to be one. I have never ever seen him study, and yet he somehow gets decent grades. He is taller than most guys, including me, and something incomprehensible else about his appearance makes all the girls flock around him. If I had to guess for my life, I think it's the combination of dark hair and light eyes, an all-year round tanned skin, the way his face shape forms this sort of inverted triangle, the fact that he already has a stubble and looks way older than all the other guys and, most irritatingly, the way his lips naturally curl into a conceited smile. Normally, discovering a formula, even a simple non-alchemic one, fills me with satisfaction; this time, however, it angers me even more for all the reasons why Black is popular with the witches have one thing in common: together they paint the opposite of me. Now I think of it, Black is in everything the opposite of me, and his personality is something I never hope to become. His recklessness and incapability to control his emotions give me a misplaced sense of shame. He is as controlled as a three month old Labrador, and I wonder if all these girls he is dating simultaneously realised this when they were signing themselves up for their voluntary reform project.

* * *

'Lily won't respond to Snivellus' attempts at courtship anymore. I have asked her if she wanted to go to Madame Puddifoots teashop with me during the Hogsmeade trip this weekend - and she...she actually said yes.' James look like he can barely believe it.

'Really?' I believe I haven't grinned this widely in a long time. I am so happy for James, if I'm not careful I'm going to cry here in Slughorn's class instead of him.  
'Are you sure it's not a joke?' Peter asks with a concerned undertone in his voice. 'I mean, she has rejected you now for... how many times? Hundred? Hundred-and-fifty?'  
'People change sometimes' Remus says slowly and thoughtfully.  
'Yes, but Lily? _Lily Evans_?'  
'I have to admit it's kind of suspicious' Remus says.  
'Come on!' I say, agitated. 'She has always fancied James. She just did not want to admit it to herself.'  
'I suggest we follow him in secret' Remus says seremonially, 'and only intervene when things are in danger of going horribly wrong'.  
James snorts. 'What a trust do all of you, except for Sirius, have in me!' he says. But eventually he agrees with Remus' proposal.  
We are lucky that after potions, there is no other class today. Peter, Remus and I watch how professor McGonagall gathers all the Gryffindor students. Irvyna Pureheart and Lorna Burke are stealing loving glances at me as we walk past.  
James is nervous, I have never ever seen him insecure like that. But, fortunately, it is not neccessary: Lily waves and smiles when she sees him, and when they walk behind the rest of the students, with Peter, Remus and me in a wake of around two meter, they are talking with each other in a non-argueing way for the first time since I know them. It's nothing short of a miracle. For a second an unsettling thought crosses my mind, but...no, James would _never_ give her a love potion. So my assumption was true after all. I smirk.  
When, after a long walk, we finally see the rooftops of Hogsmeade, who are not covered in snow this time, Mc Gonagall claps in her hands like an elementary school teacher.

'Ok, students of Gryffindor. We are going to stay at the Sphinx Hostel, as usual. I will make a reservation and your room keys will come fly towards you.'  
Unfortunately, witches and wizards are not allowed to share a room together. In my second year, I had tried to bypass this rule by transforming myself into a female student, but everyone was wondering where Sirius Black had gone and who in the name of Merlin this new student Moriah Chizpurfle was. James still teases me with it, imitating the enraged voice of McGonagall when she had put two and two together.  
So James, Remus, Peter, Anthony Jordan and me share a room together. I give Anthony Jordan a high-five. 'Gaah, Aisling Shacklebolt still does not answer my flirting. It seems I'm just hopeless with the witches. I think I'm going to look if the luxurious Sphinx Hostel has any attractive female House elves' he sighs.  
'I have a really attractive one at home, I can dress him up in drag' I say darkly.  
'Are you so desperate to get rid of Kreacher?' Anthony asks.  
'Well, I have tried putting him in a Muggle parchment shredder twice, but it didn't work' I explain. 'Even his foot did not fit.'  
'You mean a paper shredder? You really tried that?!' Remus seems genuinely shocked.  
'Aww , no, just joking' I lie, but the horrified expression does not leave Remus' face.  
'Chocolate frogs! I think I'm going to buy some chocolate frogs, also one for Lily, who is joining me?' James asks loudly, grinning madly, slapping Remus on his back.


	2. Manifestation of Courage and Rare Magic

I am not satisfied with this story, yet, I have written a lot of stories and I am never satisfied. Writing is one of the things I like to do best, yet the thing that also upsets me the most. Anyway, I decided just to continue and see what will come from it, so constructive criticism is welcomed.

* * *

Sebastíen Sangbleue and Viperus Edgecombe are the only other Slytherins that like Gobstones; or rather, they like seeing others being sprayed with foul-smelling liquids. But they went to Hogsmeade, like most did, leaving me with only a handful of fellow seventh-year Slytherins who also stayed at Hogwarts to attend the extra Defense Against the Dark Arts classes.  
How the hell has Eileen managed to gather a whole club of students wanting to play this?! I ask myself, looking at the dusty Gobstones trunk in my hands. If it has ever been popular, its popularity has taken a skydive since. I sit down on my bed and open the trunk for a game against myself until I hear laughing behind me.  
'I am getting better at it..'  
'Yes, you are! Everyone avoided him!'  
I feel a slap on my back, so hard that I almost fall forward. I hear laughing. I turn my head. A tall, broad guy with a strange button nose and a buzz cut looks back at me with dark blue, fathomless eyes under thick dark eyebrows. The other one, slightly shorter with partially shaved hair revealing a tattooed snake on the shaved part, ears full of rings and one eyebrow- and two cheek piercings, is squeezing his slanted, hazel eyes that almost look yellow.  
'Why are you still playing that stupid game?' Mulciber laughs.  
'I wasn't playing it!' I quickly retort. 'I was...going to polish it so it could be sold more easily'  
'Selling? Who wants to buy that worthless thing anyway?' He wrinkles his nose, and I realize that I just made another mistake of letting show precisely how un-wealthy I am. Even after five years, I still have to figure some of the social conventions in my House, which is frustrating.  
'Tell me' I ask, moving on to another subject, 'where are you getting better at, Avery? That boil curse you invented?'  
'Yes, I used it to curse Mary McDonalds boyfriend...'  
_Why can't they just leave her friends alone? _Still, I pretend to laugh.  
'That vain prick? He must have been so upset his beautiful face was ruined...'  
Mulciber nodded enthousiastically. 'Totally. He almost got a heart attack when he looked into his hand mirror. He broke it.'  
'And the best of it was... Amy McDonald immediately dumped him.'  
'And then we turned her into a skunk, like the smelly Mudblood she is.'  
'Very good. But you are too nice, you should hand her over to the Dark Lord' I say, because after all the turn-downs, my regret has turned into a hatred too deep-seethed to repress.  
Avery makes a face. 'I can't wait to be a Death Eater. It's so frustrating hearing on the news how Mudbloods are being chased without being of any help myself.'  
'But a more serious note now, Snape' Mulciber says in a menacing voice.  
'You are sure you brew the Deadly Nightshade poison correctly? We will be in danger of imprisonment in Azkaban, and most importantly, face loss in front of Lord Voldemort, if we don't succeed.'  
I look back at him with a cool gaze. 'Are you questioning my skills and liability, Mulciber?'  
'I'm not' he says, agitated, 'but you have to understand the importance of this mission'  
'I do!' I snap. Trying to keep my voice from shaking, I declare: 'By the end of this afternoon, that blood traitor will be as dead as a doornail'

* * *

James had put on his best robe in the colors of Gryffindor. He is making his hair even messier than usual in front of the magic mirror, who suggest that he combs it into a neat parting instead. He wisely ignores this advice. His appointment with Lily at Madame Puddifoots Tearoom is over half a hour.  
'I don't know how I am going to survive this' he says and I can hear he swallows audibly.  
'I am in love. Or rather, I am obsessed. Lily is wittier than all the other witches on Hogwarts and that's why I love her, but she seems immune to my skills at Quidditch, my humor or my talent in magic. All the gifts I give her, no matter how well thought-out or expensive, she rejects and every poem I write her she laughs at. She is inaffected by all my charm offensives. What can I do now to impress her?'  
'She just pretended she wasn't affected. _Every witch _likes you, James' Peter says angrily.  
'Six years of enmity can easily be undone by a passionate kiss' I say with a smirk. I speak out of experience.  
But it's Remus, as usual, who has the best advice: 'She already likes you, James, but you were too busy trying to impress her to notice. That is what she detests; you being a showoff. Try being yourself. That will encourage Lily to be honest about her feelings for you.'  
James blushes. 'Remus, now you mention it... you are right. I was so wrong. She was right. I _was _an arrogant toerag'  
I have to admit, we _did _misbehave sometimes. And I can't help but think that whatever influence Lily is having on James, it sure is redeeming. I slap him on his back. 'It will turn out alright, James. She would not have said yes if she still thought you were an arrogant toerag. She sees the ability in you to change.'  
'I hope so' James groans, but one of the corners of his mouth lifts.

We are sitting on a bench in front of the window, Remus, Peter and I, and I am making faces and waving, but Remus pokes me with his elbow.  
'We are supposed to be invisible!' Remus hisses in my ear. I do not give us much chance either way.  
James almost stumbles as he leads Lily to their table. I can see her giggle. He kisses her hand. Madame Puddifoot hobbles towards their table, and comes back later with two tea or coffee and a cake with fireworks on it. She hands the firework-cake to Lily, but I can't see Lily's expression from this far.  
'Can I have your omniocular for a second, Moony?' I ask.  
But Remus already answers my question. 'She is smiling!' he yells. 'She loves it!' He gives us both a high-five, but when he takes a look through his omniocular again he groans. 'Oh no...'  
'What is it?' I grab the omniocular and look. Then I groan as well.  
'What? What?' Peter squeals.  
'He is doing The Awkward thing' I state in horror. 'The Awkward thing' is James doing a bad imitation of the song 'My Sexy Green Socks', a song that was recorded by Dumbledores non-musical brother Aberforth in a drunken state (and immediately gained a cult status in his own pub), as a joke only James himself finds funny. I cover my eyes with my hand and give the omnioscoop back to Remus. 'It's all over, guys.' I realise my voice is full of disappointment, as if it's me who is embarassing myself there.  
'Don't be all sad, Padfoot' I am surprised that Remus' voice still sounds so cheerful. I don't understand why Lily hasn't ran away yet. Then, Remus replays the scene on the omniocular for all of us to see and...the thing everyone of us least expected, not even in a million years, has happened - without magic. _Lily_ _laughs. _It is not even a half-hearted, pitying or polite laugh; no, she is laughing out loud.  
Merlin, this can't be real. If a girl likes even the lamest part of James, then it's obviously meant to be.  
They are talking again and I see how James hesistatingly grabs Lily's hand which she does not withdraw.  
And after what seems like an eternity, Lily moves her head closer to James. As we are all together looking through the omniocular, we see that she does it hesitatingly as well, shyly - but James carefully grabs her face, softly strokes it, and then...  
'THEY ARE KISSING!' we scream in union. Peter lets party horns come from his wand, I do the hats and the confetti and Remus creates a banner with  
'Here stand three best men'.

'I can't believe our mission is actually accomplished' I say smugly.  
'Er... what was our share, exactly?' Peter asks.  
'Mental support, Wormy! Mental support!' I yell.  
'Just grant him his 'success'' I hear Remus whisper when he thinks I can't hear it. Just when we have decided to leave the lovebirds alone, they have left the tearoom and come walking towards us, waving. From that moment, as I look into Lily's inviting eyes, it is not like I expected. I expected to feel like losing James, the friend I was closer with than with my own brother, but Lily seems eager to get to know me - after all the mistakes I have made. She does not just greet us - she immediately hugs us, like we are her long-lost siblings.  
'So James and I are sort of.. uhm..together, I guess!' she states the obvious, still blushing and giggling, while James has wrapped his arm around her, unable to look at anyone else.  
'But you three embarassed me a bit' Lily says, frowning at Remus, Peter and me. 'Everyone at Madame Puddifoot was looking at us!'  
'I told you we had to be less present!' Remus snaps. Peter and me both blush, but Lily laughs. 'It's ok. Just take off these silly hats.'  
'And..' she continues in a sort of strict, almost professor-like manner, 'James told me you regret the mistakes you four made in the past. This better be true. He was speaking the truth, right? He wasn't lying?'  
I have no idea what she is talking about, but I reply in feigned earnest: 'Of course not.'  
James! Bastard! You haven't promised her that we stop pranking, did you? _Did you?_  
Relief breaks through on Lily's pretty face as she replies, smiling, 'Good. I'm glad we cleared that up.', not noticing how Peter lifts an eyebrow and Remus suddenly looks incredibly guilty.

As we pass the Hog's Head, Lily is excited to hear the real version of 'My Sexy Green Socks', so we walk inside. However, we immediately sense that there is something off with the atmosphere. The Hog's Head has always been a rather shady place, and the dirty floor and windows have never been too appealing, but there is an indefinable air of sinisterness now I can't quite place. The bar is empty; Aberforth isn't there, but then again, Aberforth is often busy with Merlin-knows-what, probably drinking, so the Hog's Head is partially a self-service pub. At the bar is sitting a wizard in his middle ages with dark hair and a beard. He looks a bit like Allerd Ambrosius, the Head of the Aurors, but it can't be him, right? So it is probably some lookalike. He is taking sips of his drink, but suddenly something terrifying happens. The eyes of the man roll back. He starts coughing uncontrollably, getting red and then purple. Ultimately, he falls from his stool and lays on the ground, motionless.  
We all gasp in horror.  
'It's dangerous here, Lily! Hide!' James orders and pushes her under a large table with a draped goblin tablecloth on it.  
'Came to watch the show?' a nasty voice says behind us. We look around almost simultaneously. The nasty voice came from Rosier, a seventh-year Slytherin, accompanied by his unsightly friends, Wilkes and Yaxley.  
'What have you done to him?!' James screams, looking at the man resembling Ambrosius.  
'I? I did nothing. I don't know what you are talking about' Rosier says suspiciously and Wilkes and Yaxley chuckle.  
Remus runs towards the man and feels his pulse. 'He...he is dead' Remus utters softly. He searches in the man's pockets and when he finds an identity card, his eyes turn wide. 'It is really him! Allerd Ambrosius, Head of the Aurors, has been killed!'  
James grabs his wand and points it at Rosier. 'You will pay for this!' he screams. I grab James' robe and hiss: 'Careful, James. We can't prove it! We need to hand them over to Dumbledore-'  
Quick as a fox, Wilkes and Yaxley have enclosed us all, except for Lily, and are pointing their wands at us.  
'Oblivi-' Wilkes begins, but we all scream: 'Expelliarmus!'. However, all three spells are being ricocheted. Another obliviating spell, this time from Rosier, hits the wall, but now James and I are being disarmed by two Disarming Charms, and Remus is unconscious. 'Moony!' I yell, but to my relief he is still breathing. Wilkes, who is holding my wand, kicks him with malignant joy. 'Filthy snake!' I scream. 'I will get to you later' Wilkes says, licking his lips, 'your wand is big and you look handsome'.  
I feel myself getting nauseous. Yaxley grabs Peter and almost chokes him. 'Surrender yourselves, or I will use the Bone Breaking Charm on your pudgy friend's whole body' he chuckles in a voice as if that would bring him great pleasure. Peter squeaks from fear.  
Suddenly, Lily appears from under the table.  
'Try it on me instead!' she screams furiously and Yaxley now points his wand towards him. 'Ossis Effer-'  
'NO!' James screams and throws himself between them.  
But Yaxley fails to complete the charm, as suddenly he is distracted by a white mist appearing above our heads. I make use of the situation and take my wand back from an equally startled Wilkes. I want to cast a spell on them. But then, suddenly, the mist takes the shape of a stag, made of blue flames, and Wilkes, Rosier and Yaxley recoil as it gallops in their direction.  
'That - that looks like your patronus, James!' Peter squeaks in awe.  
'It does, indeed' I wonder, 'but he has not cast one! And this one is made of flames! How is this possible?'  
Suddenly, the door flings open. In the doorway stands no one less than Albus Dumbledore.

When Dumbledore sees Allerd Ambrosius laying on the ground, his blue eyes get an earnest, mournful expression.  
'Alas, I came too late! The brave Ambrosius has already departed! What a terrible los for the Wizarding World, now we are at war!' he says desperately.  
'How did you know what was happening, Sir?' James asks. 'They killed him!' I scream, pointing at the three Slytherins. But Dumbledore does not respond to any of us. Instead, he suddenly looks at the blue, flaming stag, cornering the three Slytherins, who now have drops of sweat on their foreheads from the heat.  
'Holy cauldron cakes and lemon drops! It is a manifestation of courage and rare wandless magic' Dumbledore says, 'and I have only seen this once in my whole life!' I have no idea what he is talking about as he seems to be talking mostly to hisself. 'It only appears when a wizard is extraordinary'  
'Oh, that's definitely me' I joke. Peter snickers.  
'It represents one of you, who is going to be of great importance to the Auror Headquarters and will have a son who will be very important as well. I do not know which of you, but we will see that in time.'  
But I am almost sure it refers to James. After all, he was the one protecting Lily and Peter.  
With a flick of his wand, Dumbledore lets the stag vanish, freeing the Slytherins of their difficult position. Rosier is trembling now.  
'Has any of you poisoned Ambrosius?' Dumbledore asks.  
'N-no, Sir' Yaxley responds. I can hear it is a badly disguised lie. Dumbledore frowns, but then he says: 'Very well, then. Come to my office if you ever want to come back to that statement'  
'But it is clear that they are guilty!' Peter screams.  
'There is no proof, so unless you can prove it, these three young men are still innocent' Dumbledore retorts and strides away. Outside, he claps in his hand and calls with a magically enhanced voice: 'Dear students of Hogwarts! We will return to the castle earlier because of some minor safety concerns'

* * *

That night, Rosier, Wilkes and Yaxley and the other Slytherins came back earlier; Rosier tells Avery, Mulciber and I thriumphantly that this is because 'Feeding Aberforths goat' has succeeded. They were interrupted by Dumbledore, but he had not been able to prove anything. Since I have collected all of the potions ingredients myself, no evidence can possibly lead to me either.  
As we sit in the comfortable, soft chairs in a desolate small room in the Slytherin common room, Rosier uncorks a bottle of century-old Murtlap essence wine that is, I guess, worth around five hundred Galleons.  
'Where did you get that?' Mulciber asks greedily.  
'Just took it from my fathers basement during the summer... He will not miss it. Has enough wine to last him a lifetime, my old man, most more expensive than this'  
'Compared to yours, my own collection of booze is slightly less impressive' Mulciber sighs. I am annoyed by it, as his five bottles of elven wine must have also cost around hundred galleons each. More than I could affort, at least. Like usual, I am the only one that is empty-handed. I apologize, but for once, they do not care.  
'You are the reason our mission has succeeded in the first place' Avery says and slaps my back. As Rosier has filled six silver-decorated crystal wine glasses with the Murtlapwine, he says: 'Cheers on the Halfblood Prince'  
'Cheers on the Halfblood Prince' they all repeat without any mocking undertone and for the first time I feel like I am truly one of them, a respected member of my House.  
Mulciber keeps filling my glass, and I have no idea that you need to take small sips from it, until I have already finished two glasses while they are still not finished with their first. I have never drank any alcohol in my life. I had promised myself to never touch it, but both Rosiers and Mulcibers wine tastes divine. It is a world apart from the shit Tobias used to pour down his throat without even tasting it. And I don't react to it in the same way as Tobias does. He fills himself with junkfood, while I am trying the refine culinary nourishment that is more like art, really, only for the tongue, not to mention that his indulgences are made by mere Muggles and mine are magical.  
'You like it, Snape? Here-' Rosier fills my glass again. And again. A blonde Slytherin girl from the third year and her two dark-haired friends ask what we are celebriting.  
'Nothing of your business, Dantel Greengrass' Rosier says haughtily, 'but you can join the fun, as long as you don't touch my wine, it's too expensive for you' He stands up and walks towards her, rather unsteadily - I suddenly wonder if maybe has finished another bottle of his fathers wine we didn't know about earlier. He slaps Dantel's ass and she looks at him with a slavish expression that does not make her face any prettier. Her friends immediately ask for a glass of Mulcibers wine, making it clear where their priority lies. Mulciber, who has never been overtly popular with the witches, is glad that he can finally catch some flies with his honey.  
'Hey, Zahira!' Avery suddenly yells. Zahira Zabini is by far the prettiest witch in Slytherin. She has the face of an angel, but her personality is horrible.  
'Fancy a drink?'  
'Not with you, thanks' Zahira answers and strides to the girls' dorm room. Avery starts crying, and I reluctantly try to comfort him before turning to the alcohol again. Now that I have the opportunity of drinking something I could never have afforded by my own, I make the utmost use of it, especially because it makes me feel light and cheerful for what seems the first time of my life next to - being with _her... _Both Rosier's and Mulcibers wine bottles are empty, but it turned out that others had illegally brought alcoholic beverages with them as well. The last thing I know is that I feel extremely hot, and sweat gets in my hair, drips from my nose, and I feel incredibly nauseous.  
I have killed a man - well, he probably got killed without my help as well, or would he? A sudden, unexpected wave of guilt washes over me. I can make excuses as much as I want, it is a fact that I brewed a poison with the intent of killing someone, and succeeded.  
The others merely handed it to him. Lily would not have approved.  
Lily would never want to see me again if she knew. But still, it's for the greater good - The Greater Good, although Grindelwalds intentions were more noble than Voldemort's back then...  
But Voldemort is more _right_.  
Ambrosius choosed to die... risk of the trade...He posed a threat...  
I could not have done anything else.. They would have casted me off if I, the potion genius, would not have co-operated..  
My head is spinning.  
'Wow, your face is very white' Avery says and I run to the male toilets, and then everything goes black. I wake up from a slimy, warm substance dripping down my chin, soiling my robes, and a sour stench, but just as I realized I have puked all over myself I drift into unconsciousness again.


	3. A Midnight Encounter, Part I

'James is _always _the hero' I tell her while taking sips from the bottle of firewhiskey I secretly snatched out of the unoccupied Hog's Head.  
'Enough about James. What about...your family? I've heard they were all Slytherins.' Lorna Burke asks. It feels like I'm under a shower from which the water temperature has suddenly dropped from pleasurably hot to below zero.  
'What do you _mean _'what about your family'? What can I possibly say about them?!' I answer, and then I realize how angry I must have sounded, because Lorna looks shocked, almost hurt. I sigh. 'We are a mad, frenzy, totally exciting lot! Now, tell me about yours.'  
'Well, I live with my father in a small cottage in Cornwall. He is not magic. He met my mother at what he thought was a trip for single Muggles. However, he coincidentally boarded the Knight Bus instead, because its magic concealment had waned as a result of Ernie Prang having crashed into a wall. My dad still remembers telling himself that when he met his fellow travellers, he understood why they were still single - everyone must have looked incredibly odd. Until he saw my mother. They started talking. My mother told him that he was going to Obliviated in a few minutes, meaning that it would be like they had never met. In panic, my father blurted out that he found the thought of it very horrible. She admitted she liked him, as well. So they ran away together.'

'Maybe we can run away, too. To a quiet place in the Hogwarts castle. I can teach you a lot of ways to prank Slytherins.' I try.  
'You are a bit strange, aren't you, Sirius Black?' she asks. Then she smirks michievously. 'Strange...but fine.'  
'Wait until I am seventeen' I say, 'then we can take a ride on my flying motorbike, you and I'  
Her eyes sparkle. 'Do you think the Room of Requirement will be free tonight? And if so, do you think we can get in?'  
I reckon that a lot of guys would be extremely happy with such a proposal. Sure I am happy, but I feel kind of ashamed to admit that the amount of times you get a chance at something certainly dulls the excitement you get from it exponentally.  
'Yeah, I guess so' is therefore my answer. Yes, Lorna, this is kind of lame, I am sorry. But then I realise that it doesn't matter what I had said as long as it wasn't a rejection. She is beaming. 'See you then, Sirius...' she grins ecstatic. It is still kind of strange to see the effect I have on woman. I mean, admitted, I am no Fantastic Beast, but there isn't anything..anything _special _about me either, right? Sure, I am, together with James, the best seventh year student from Gryffindor, I am a gentleman, I have an occasional but prestigeful side job at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement which Minerva McGonagall gave me time off for, I am an Animagus and I have bewitched a Muggle motorcycle so that it can fly, but other than that I have no idea what witches find so appealing about me.  
Oh, Merlin, my attempts at modesty sound almost more arrogant than my arrogance. This is not a good thing, I guess.

When we arrive at the seventh floor, I am very relieved that Lorna is doing the walk-three-times-wish thing, because I do not know if my need to have a quick session of fornicating with Lorna is urgent enough for the room to show up. Sure, she is pretty, with her long black hair and dark blue eyes, but she is nothing irreplaceable yet.  
However, as Lorna's wish is fullfilled and she drags me into the room, her open-mouthed kiss is so intense that blue sparks of wandless magic fly I immediately feel something in my stomach that resembles butterflies. It is not that no girl has been this eager before. Even with her willingness Lorna is no exception. But she has this fierceness yet endearing clumsiness about her that is unlike I have ever experienced. She is a bad girl and a sweet girl wrapped in one. Just the way I like them, I realise.  
Lorna gasps for breath about one second, then drags me towards her again with the ends of my ever loosened Gryffindor tie. She nibbles my lips, and I stick my tong in her mouth. Our tongues lick and suck the other's mouth, and meanwhile Lorna almost tears my robes in an attempt to free me of them.  
I push her away. 'You first' I gasp with a mischievous look.

She feigns indignance, raising her eyebrows. 'Are you always this bossy with witches, Sirius Black?'  
'Yes' I answer semi-nonchalently, 'and they usually do not protest this much.'  
'Mmm. You are an arrogant bastard, do you know that?' she says. In her voice lies no reproach, only teasing, and even lust.  
'Of course' I yawn.  
'And you don't even deny it!' she continues. 'Maybe... maybe you should be taught a lesson, don't you think so?'  
'I'm all for lessons if they are exciting' I say, 'but could you take off your robes? I'm sure whichever lesson in moralty you are going to give me is a lot more bearable if you give it while naked.'  
'That _is _the lesson' she says. 'I said: you put off your robes first. And if you would have had more respect for me, you would have honored my request already'.  
Now, she touches a weak spot. They can say a lot about me, but not that I lack respect for witches. So I pull my robes over my head. I wonder if I should use a glamour on my skin, but I'm too lazy - and it is too late anyway.  
Lorna laughs. 'You are doing it the Muggle way?'  
'I like doing things the Muggle way' I protest, but the sound comes out muffled and barely audible from under my robes.  
When I have manually freed myself of my clothes and stand before Lorna in only my underpants and socks, I realize how wrong of a choice it had been not to put on a glamour.  
Lorna's face is twisted into a strong frown that gives me a pang of shame, and for the first time I feel what it's like to be insecure in front of a witch.

* * *

My fantasies about Lily were what helped me through the day, as usual. However, I am more aroused than usual. In Slytherin, they rip away the curtains around your bed since your first year, and if you protest, you're a wanker by definition. I had expected everyone to be more grown-up about it in the seventh year, but no such luck. Again, I found myself robbed of my curtains in the first week of the new year. Avery, Macnair and Rosier don't care about it: after all, they secretly sneak out at night, off to the Room of Requirement with some witch or wizard - Macnair is secretive nor ashamed about having shagged some first-year boys. Lucky bastards. Well, except for Macnair, that pathetic creep. Mulciber often sneaks out at night to another destination - the Prefects bathroom- and no one blinks an eye when he comes back. But when _I _sneak out... I get remarks about it for days. And that is not even the worst part; the Marauders, or whatever dumb name that collection of scumbags have given themselves, have an actual _map _that shows them where they can find me. And I have stumbled upon them before in the middle of the night - if I wasn't convinced already of their mental instability, I certainly am now.  
Tonight, no one has a date, fortunately, since I already am in a bad mood. Avery is clearly sleeping: I know for sure because he is asking me all these ridiculous questions he only asks me in his sleep.  
'Snaaaappeeee...Do...Do you like myy new ooowll?' he slurs.  
'No. I think it's a miscarried scoundrel' I answer truthfully, but I already know that it doesn't matter what kind of answer I give.  
'Thats nice to hearr..' Avery replies contently and, thank Merlin, stays silent so I don't have to hit him on his head.  
I listen carefully to the rest of my dormmates. Unfortunately, there exists no spell that can check whether others are asleep. I really wish I had taken the time to invent one right now. Let's just go by the breathing, then. It seems peaceful and steady, like it should be - but you never know with Macnair. I almost never hear him breathe, sometimes I wonder whether he is really alive.

I am impatient, and my imaginary Lily is exactly as impatient as I am. So I relax, convince myself that everyone is asleep - because who, except for me, is still awake at 4 am, anyway? - and create an image in my mind of Lily and me by the riverside. At peace with each other, like we used to be.  
How can anyone have such deep , soulful eyes like emeralds? No other witch has such white skin - lily-white, indeed, yet with such sunny freckles, and her hair is like a waterfall of red flames. But even though her beauty is outstanding, nothing will simply compare to the bond I have - I had with her. Lily is the only person who understands me without words, she is the only one who ever had the capacity to cheer me up with only her presence. Even though she's a Mudblood, Lily is my only soulmate. Every time I look at her I realise again that I could never love any witch the same way even though objectively, I find myself a fool because of it.  
She sits close to me as we try to make stones bounce on the dirty water, and then shoves even closer so I can feel her warmth.  
'Sev, I think you need a hug' she says playfully, like she sometimes does, but instead of dragging me upright with her, she leans over me, pushing me on the ground until she is on top of me.  
'Lily..' I utter with difficulcy, aware of her warm body on top of me, her groin against mine, her slender legs enclosing my scrawny ones, while stealing glances of her delicate, white breasts I get to see due to being granted a view in her dress. It does not matter anymore that she's Muggleborn, or that she's a Gryffindor and I'm a Slytherin. And then her soft pink lips find mine, and we kiss, tenderly and slow, while I caress her back. I stroke her cheek, softly.  
'Merlin's arsecrack, Snivellus, what are you doing?' I suddenly hear Macnair shriek, a horrible, piercing sound.  
'Wu..what?' Rosier mumbles.  
Macnair laughs loudly. 'Snivellus was stroking somebody invisible'  
'It is Snape, not Snivellus, Macnair' Rosier corrects him sleepily, but can't suppress a light chuckle.  
Shit, that stupid Macnair with his one brain cell... why has he ruined it for me again? I think angrily, but Rosier interrupts my own less than brilliant thoughts.  
'So, who were you stroking at this unholy point of time?'  
'I bet it's the Mudblood' Macnair answers for me.  
'Say that again!' I rage, trembling from anger, and in seconds I have grabbed my wand and pointed it at Macnair.  
'Easy, Snape' Rosier warns me with squeezed gray eyes, cold as rainclouds.  
I turn around and leave the room before I cause any deaths. They whistle behind me.  
'Have fun with yourself, Snivellus!' Macnair calls after me. I turn around and give him the finger before walking away through the dark, on to the boys bathroom to get some privacy, at last.

* * *

Lorna's eyes are travelling up and down my body and I can see she is checking them all out, my scars. But her reaction is not one of disgust, as I had imagined, but one of concerneed curiosity.  
'Merlin, Sirius, what has _happened _to you?' she asks.  
For no reason at all, except for sheer luck, an almost truthful explanation enters my brain. 'I wrestled with a werewolf.'  
She raises one eyebrow. 'Wrestled? With a werewolf?' Then she laughes, a cold, splashing laugh.  
'I'm sorry, Sirius. I believe everything you tell me, just not this. What are you going to tell me next? That you duelled with You-Know-Who? Slaughtered fifteen Death Eaters at once? Tamed a dragon and are keeping it in your backyard?'  
'But it is true!' I shout desperately. 'I have really met a werewolf, my-' Just in time I stop myself before I foolishly would have uttered the most secret sentence.  
_My friend Remus is one__. _Merlin, that was close. So close! I almost betrayed him! My heartbeat is going through the roof and I feel shaky, like you do when you just escaped danger, but not in the good, addicting way when you are under the delusion of being invincible and invulnerable, but in the way of being granted an escape from something too terrifying and irreversible to consider.  
I do not even care about Lorna's opinion about me anymore as I blurt out, with my eyes staring at the ground:  
'That - that was a lie. I am sorry. To think you would be fooled by such - by such a lame excuse is an insult, that I regret.'  
My mind is racing. Muggle operations? No, her father is a Muggle - she knows more about them than I do. And I just told her that my whole family consists of Slytherins. An accident? But what kind of accident, really? If I say motor accidents, she will ask for a ride, and then my motorcycle could be taken in. For once, I can't think of a plausible explanation other than-  
'I caused them myself'. The extremely embarassing truth.  
I expected no pity, but at least some small form of understanding. However, Lorna gets angry instead.

'How could you be so stupid?!' she shouts. I cower.  
'What in Merlin's name were you trying to accomplish?'  
'I weren't try to accomplish anything' I retort, feeling myself losing my temper rapidly. Too rapidly. Like always. My body is already shaking.  
'SO THATS YOUR PHILOSOPHY, HUH?' I scream. 'EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE A MEANS TO _ACCOMPLISH _SOMETHING? SOMETHING GREAT? SOMETHING AMBITIOUS, PERHAPS? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW-' my voice cracks and I take a deep breath, 'WHO YOU SOUND LIKE NOW?!'  
And then I look into her eyes, and see that she is not angry anymore. She is scared, which is worse. _Way _worse.  
It is that time again. The time I turned into some sort of monster in the eyes of a witch I was trying to seduce. But I can't keep quiet, I have already crossed the line of reason so what does it matter anymore?  
'WELL? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW, OR NOT?!'  
She looks at me with these big blue eyes, turns and wants to run to the door, but I am quicker. I grab her arm. She tries to free herself, but I am stronger as well. Reluctantly, indifferent, and obviously more out of fear than out of any real interest, she asks: 'Yeah, so who do I remind you of?'  
Suddenly I hate her. I hate this cold-hearted creature so much she barely seems human to me anymore. More to myself than to this empathy-lacking statue of stone I sneer, with a contorted face from loathing 'My dear beloved 'mother'', as tears well up into my eyes and I cling to her, crying uncontrollably.

* * *

My movement is hasty from eager anticipation as I lean against the wall of the boys bathroom and pull up Eileens threadbare nightgown. Of course, I pretend it is Lily who does this, because in my imagination, we are now at Hogwarts, in the Room of Requirement, and I'm not wearing Eileens threadbare nightgown, but my robes. I rub my stiff member through my underpants in the way I imagine Lily would do. My Lily.  
'Yeah, Sev, that's it' Lily whispers, licking her lips.  
I try to ogle at Lily's breasts and the delicate pink petals of her femininity without drooling. 'You want me, don't you?' Lily asks in her soft, sweet voice.  
'Yes, yes, I want you, no I need you, Lily' I utter as I - as Lily slowly slides her slender hand in my underpants and strokes my sensitive member. It makes me emit a ray of green sparks. I pull her hand out, then I caress her naked body and I hear her sigh and hum softly from pleasure. Her pink nipples are so hard for me. I take on in my mouth, suck on it slowly while I knead her full breasts while a sensation much like electricity goes through me. I tremble with lust, my body temperature quickly shifts from hot to cold, as if I am sick. 'I want to feel you in me, Sev' Lily says. I gasp in anticipation. We kiss again, and I try to kiss her slowly, but I am too impatient. She pulls my underpants down and I crawl on top of her. After a few hasty kisses on her face, I enter her and even though her face contorts a second from pain, she then grins broadly. Our aimless magic combined is the best thing I have ever experienced.  
'You know, I have wondered it since we were little' she says, blushing heavily, 'if it would _fit, _Sev. Ever since we made that Muggle puzzle together with these owls on it and that wizard that resembled Dumbledore, you know, the one I got from my parents after getting the Hogwarts letter. But of course it does. Why wouldn't it? And I'm so happy now.'

'I dreamed about this since I met you' I confess, 'Merging into you. You gave me the capability to love' My breath is ragged as I move in and out of her. I want to be gentle, to stroke her body, but I am distracted by the exquisite feeling between my thighs. I gasp, my movements get more hasty, impatient, quick. Lily moans from pleasure. 'Yeah, Sev,go on!' she encourages me, stroking my back. I shudder. Lily's eyes are closed from ecstacy and she can't stop herself from making satisfied sounds that turn into screams as I continue to fuck her. I am really putting all I've got into this. My endurance has always been lacking, a result from having grown up unhealthy and slender, but I keep ignoring the signs that say so. Suppressing my panting and gasping is difficult, and I bite my lip and hold my breath, but when I finally exhale it's loud and shaky. Lily grabs my hair and passionately half kisses, half licks my face. 'Sev, yes, Sev, oh yes' she whispers. My body convulses with pleasure. 'Lily!' I call, my voice thick from emotion. 'Lily, Lily, Lily, ah, ah, Lily'. I wipe the sweat from my forehead before I continue thrusting in my pa- fucking Lily. I have never had a better fantasy than today.

* * *

Lorna is gone. To say I'm pissed off, is the understatement of the century. I do not want to face James, Remus, Peter and Anthony just yet, so I wander aimlessly through the castle. I tap with my wand at the Marauder's Map to see where Filch is hiding. I almost rip it from anger when I open it.  
Then, I see another spot on the map.  
_Snivellus_.  
What the hell is Snivellus doing past midnight in the boys bathrooms, all alone? I don't know, but I just have to find out.


End file.
